I’m going to do something a little different today. Something that has a lot of stigma. Something that is battled worldwide and so many few know but don’t really “know”. Child abuse effects so many children and so many more than that are recorded because so many stastitsics won’t make much of a difference. So many children hope there is light at the end of the dark and scary tunnel but most of tge time even into adulthood we have to take things day by day.
“Its better to build strong children than to repair broken men” -Frederick Douglass
So what is the point of me talking about all this depressing stuff? I am just going to straight up say it and have felt so much support from all of my followers that I feel that it’s safe to talk about something I hide from the world most of the time. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder.
I know many will only know from what they have seen in fictional television or books. Well things are not always that extreme and it’s fiction for a reason. I do go through bouts of amnesia and split off into multiple personalities. Dani you guys know is me. Well, they all are me in a way with seperate full identies, personalities and pasts.
I am the host and have been around since birth. I gained my alters beginning at age 6 when I would cope with the childhood abuse I went through. It carried through childhood through adulthood and there is so much pieces of my memory that is missing that it was so hard to tell the lines between fiction and reality.
This is an extremely exhausting mental illness that has effected me in pretty much every part of my life. I have lost people when they have found out I have this disorder. I have been called posessed by a church I called home when they found out. Most of my family couldn’t deal with the symptoms and have abandoned me at one point or other part of my life because they couldn’t deal with it.
I have lost so much and lost so many. This caused more anxiety and depression which led to me transitioning more. I was a lab rat as a child to the point of messing up my liver at a young age. I have been through electric shock therapy and clinical trials catered to D.I.D. I have been catatonic. My life was so chaotic and lost so much support when I got physically sick 4 years ago that it also took another part of me.
I was so free and lived in the moment, D.I.D. or not. Things changed quickly 4 years ago because everything finally made me crack and since then I am an agorophobic. I am literally scared shitless to leave my house or to even go on my front door. The only way I am able to leave my home is once a month for my doctor’s appointment. That’s it. Yes I am sick physically as well and that doesn’t help at all but losing people so much from things I can’t even remember just got the best of me.
My therapist says I should open up about this and learn to let things go and since I talk to you guys on a daily basis and don’t want you confused one day. Please don’t worry and I hope this doesn’t scare anyone away from me. I am on all my medicine and pretty well functioning.
This is just my way of “Coming out the Closet about being the same Dani but there are other pieces of me.”
*Sorry I didn’t proofread and will try to later just have the initial anxiety of doing this and have to ground myself.