Hey lovelies! As many of you know it’s been a rough time for me lately with my physical and emotional health in turmoil. I also have been battling to overcome some recent trauma and family issues. With all that and being stuck on bed rest because of all the seizures and injuries I have received recently, I just wanted to state that my life is blessed and totally worth it. After much time of reflection and emotions even to the point of suicidal thoughts, I had a sort of an epiphany. Well I had much encouragement along the way thanks to Kim aka My Book Sister, Trang aka My Blogger Babe Crush, Michel💖, Pete, Adrienne, Fraggle, Sophie and many more of you, I was able to get through this and see how truly blessed I am. Not only do I finally have a support system thanks to all of you guys and I’m sorry I couldn’t list you all because there are so many of you and you all are so amazing but I have finally been able to get in the holiday spirit!!! Yay!
After all this reflection, I let a lot go. I let go some of the pain and anxiety. For once, I finally really enjoyed seeing my children be happy. Of course, I always want them happy but I am always thinking about the “what ifs” and worrying about them instead of truly enjoying it.
I don’t go to church but there is a church right next to my house. I was sitting at home worrying how was I going to pay for my kids to have a good Christmas for my kids and how was I even going to pay for the medication I needed to keep me alive. I felt so overwhelmed that I felt like I was suffocating. I was to the point of asking God “Why do you let this keep happening to me?”. Well the pastor of the church by my house randomly stopped by and asked us if we wanted a big box of food and I accepted and was very thankful for his kindness and this warmed my heart some but still didn’t know what I was going to do but at least my kids were going to be fed.
Well the same pastor comes back to my house and he brings us gift cards equaling to about 400$ USD in gift cards for Walmart and he had certain ones for the kids and even one for us adults so we could get stuff we needed.
I literally broke down with my thankfulness to this unknown man. I was able to get my kids the gifts they wanted and was able to get the necessities I needed for my house;laundry soap, toliet paper and etc. I felt so overwhelmed with emotions and finally felt hope, after so long. To make things even better a close friend said he would help and pay for my mandatory expensive medication! I still have pending doom financially and have other meds I need but my mandatory and at the moment needs were met! Yay! I was over the moon! I mean, I have never been blessed like this before and just couldn’t believe it. I found hope. Through my debilitating pain and my scary circumstances I finally had hope. I looked at my children and my heart expanded even more. My daughter Zoey has been helping me and telling me how much she loves me. I even told her “I’m sorry I’m so weird” and she cut me off with a big hug saying “You’re not too weird for me.” My son Gabriel has been giving me hugs several times a day telling me “I hope you feel better Mommy.” My youngest Vincent just tugged at the strings of my heart. He was close by when I had a bad seizure and he freaked out and someone took him out of the room while it was happening. He screamed and kicked everyone until he was allowed to come and see for his self that I was alright and then he hugged me and rubbed my back all at 2 years old.
I know this post might be all sappy and I don’t want to bring anybody down. What I am really trying to say that through everything I found hope and my children’s love carried me through with their amazing LOVE! I was blessed with a way to give them an AMAZING Christmas but I also have been blessed with all of your support. For the first time in years, I am truly excited for Christmas tomorrow and I hope that each and every one of you has a great holiday whatever that may be! I thank you for reading my post and I’m sorry if I mixed things up I’m a tad emotional, but thank you so much for all your support and believing I would make it through because I finally am making it!😄🎁📚💖
Yesterday the kids opened gifts from their grandmothers and other assorted family. I wanted to share these photos of them and show you what has fullfilled my heart and has given me pure happiness. Please everyone have a safe and a Merry Christmas!🎄💖🎁🎀
My daughter Zoey and I.💖🎄🎁
My handsome son Gabriel!🎁
Zoey and Gabriel together!💖
This photo is my favorite of them because it shows their personalities.😄
Zoey thinks she’s grown! But she’s my amazing little Diva!💖👠👑🎀
Monkey wanted to drive the car!🚘🐒😄
My almost 2 year old Vincent a.k.a Chunky Monkey.💖🐒
His excitement is priceless.😍🎁🎄
Yay for presents!!!🎁💖🎁💖