Hello friends! I wanted to share something a little more deep about me. Maybe my experience can help you look for brighter days or you can relate in some way or another. Either way thanks for reading my post! I am so thankful to have signed up for WordPress and to have met so many awesome people! You guys rock!😁
Three years ago as of October 16th 2014, I was broken and torn down from a life of constantly chasing my next fix. But that day I decided to get help and change my life. I was fighting a terminal illness(which I survived,obviously) and my son’s father was out in a coma from a horrible car accident. The accident left him in a vegetated state where he only had 6% chance of survival. If he survived, doctor’s believed he would never walk again, talk or eat on his own. My world came crashing down not only was I fighting cancer to save my life, I had my children’s parent in the hospital as a vegetable. These life experiences are what put me over the edge.
At this time, I was already taking opioids for pain and used them recreationally and prescribed but wasn’t that bad off. I guess you would call me a functioning user. I battle with a servere mental illness along with physical health concerns. With everything happening in my life at the time I lost control of my life. I was always finding a way to numb the pain. Not only did I have a very traumatic childhood, I felt my life as an adult continued to suffer. From the sexual abuse I endured from the age of 6 to sexual assault as a young adult leading to the conception of my daughter. So much stuff in between and then my health and the accident. I felt constantly like I was grasping for air. I did things that I am so ashamed of, I wasn’t the mother I should have been, and I made a lot of mistakes.
Luckily, my health got better and so did my children’s parent miraculously. He is able to walk and talk. Sadly, he doesn’t remember what happened the previous day(like 50 First Dates) and he’s in my care. Unfortunately, this blessing didn’t stop my problem until the pain didn’t get numb anymore. I was only using to not get sick. I had to make a choice if I was going to get better or not, if not for myself then I had to do it for my kids.
It’s been 3 years and a couple days and it’s still a struggle. Every day I have to wake up and decide to not be that person I was anymore. I feel like I’m losing it still at times and it’s still so hard especially when I’m in so much physical pain but I do it. I make it, one day at a time. I know this is a private issue but in my life but I really wanted to share because I wanted to let individuals who have been or are in this situation know that there is hope! There is light after all that darkness!🌈 You might feel there is no hope for you but there is. You got this!😊💖👍