Hello lovelies! I hope everyone is staying safe with Hurricane Irma heading up the east coast! Praying for the families that lost loved ones from this drastic storm! This blog post is not to be making fun of anyone affected by this horrific storm this is just my experience with hurricane Irma preparation in South Carolina. The grand ole Palmetto State that is filled with smiling meth faces and the people of Walmart gone crazy Part 1.
So anyways South Carolina declares a state of emergency the other day before they know what the hell is going on. The news is literally saying we have a 50 percent chance to be effected by rains and storms. Well no shit Sherlock, anyone can say something is 50 percent going to happen it either is or isn’t plain and simple. So because South Carolinians do not know how to deal with any change in the weather we got freaking pandemonium. We have a tropical storm advisory right now and I understand that can be serious and all that good stuff but it’s not to the point that all the gas stations are selling out of gas and people are fighting over gas like seriously I was in line waiting to get gas and this dude is like you stole my spot in line, looking crazy got one eye looking at you, got one eye looking at the sky. So these idiots start pushing each other and the asshats get gas on the ground. Of course I have Sal with me. Sal has tourettes syndrome and I am his caretaker. So because the window is rolled down(no AC) these crazy people start making him tick so he keeps saying “oh you major poor slut” and “oh no daddy” Then they are yelling and one of the crazy dudes the one with the ‘crazy eyes’ lights up a cigarette while hes cussing saying you can kiss my ass, you know you get the gist. He keeps hearing Sal cussing and slamming the car around so it sways a little so this pisses Crazy Eyes off more. I see him waving around the lit cigarette and the gas on the ground I’m like fuck this I stop blaring on the horn at them and get out of there. Said a few hail Marys(even though I’m not Catholic) and made the sign of the cross for good measure that my ass didn’t get blown up because of Crazy Eyes. Geez Louis and I was in line for like 30 minutes so I search for another gas station.
I get to another gas station and wait in line for another 30 minutes for them to tell me they ran out of gas and this is before we even have any concrete warnings like hello dumb people!!! A girl can’t get a gallon of gas without these crazy people. So I decide “Shit on it” I will just drive on fumes because the rest of the gas stations are closed down. Since I ran out of groceries and had to get food for my kiddos, I realized I have the worst luck possible of course its time to buy groceries and your stupid enough to go to Walmart(yes I talk to myself)! SO Lawsy me… One word… WALMART
Okay so I was born and raised in the Lowcountry of South Carolina and I know that means there is little standards for me. It’s a normal occurrence for people to walk around half naked with their muffin tops hanging over there 4 sizes too small pants and its normal for people to wear the night clothes in South Carolina. I get it no judgement here but when you are wearing see through 4 sizes too small pants with a thong that looks like your butt crack is going to devour please I repeat “this is not sexy and scary” I mean I saw all the crazies today half the population wasn’t wearing shoes. Euw. Then you got some people that look like they just sold themselves on Spruill Avenue for 10 dollars. I mean I’m not trying to judge anyone but there is children around they don’t want to see your asshole. I know I have no room probably to judge I’m walking through the store with someone whose making a song up about whores and cussing in different languages because the anxiety makes his tourettes go but I think I still have a right to say “NO!!!” to people’s asscracks in public. And we are not going to even start with the pants to small and the women look like they have a whole busted can of biscuits as a stomach.
So I’m walking through Walmart even though I’m frightened by all the scary half naked people and the drunks hitting on me with there wife next to them, I’m thinking to myself Danielle your on a mission, just get the necessities and get the hell out of this place. So I go to the bread aisle, there is no bread. Okay go to the drinks, not only is all the bottled water gone there’s a homeless person sleeping where the water should be. Well crap on a cracker…So I patiently wait and let Sal cuss this man out for a minute while he sleeps to get it out of his system…So I just grab a few things and squeeze my way through people hoping not to touch anyone’s private parts.
I get to the line and feel overly anxious from all the crazies making Sal’s tourettes go off so I’m getting stares while Sal is calling random people whores but whatever we made it through and see a pack of water so I go for it and this lady comes up to me and says “Girl I will box you in the face if you take that water” So I narrow my eyes at this woman…. What the hell…. I said “why isn’t your water in your buggy ma’am, I need water for my kids?” She says “I’m saving this water for my girlfriend who don’t get off for another 30 minutes.” Okay now I’m getting mad… So I say “girl you can’t save water this isn’t like a concert where you save seats” So she takes her big behind and sits on the case of water by the check out lines and gives me the finger. Well…. I’m not touching that water now. Touche to the crazy lady with the water and thank you God that you helped me keep my tits calm so that I didn’t have to box that lady in the face.
So I just want to get the hell out of this place. But of course the store is packed with people its fucking pandemonium and they only have 4 registers out of 22 open?!?! What the fuck Walmart you make billions and won’t even have people at registers. So I get stuck in line for an hour and have to wait behind someone who had four kids. Well kids are cool and all but these kids were crazy! They were taking out grapes out of their buggy and throwing them at me. Ohhhhh man the icing on the mother freakin’ cake! Of course the parent doesn’t care unless the child is quiet! I get to the register by the grace of God and I say “hello how are you?” and the lady gives me the death stare that is all. No manners and when she rang up the total she just turned the screen so I could see it. Now thankfully I’ve been working on my craziness with my therapist because my tits were about to spontaneously combust at this point. I mean I hate freaking Walmart.
Anyways I made it through even with the person that I caregive that has tourettes with me. I even made it home on fumes! Thank you God… Does anyone else go through this with Walmart or deal with freaking pandemonium when the weather changes slightly. I’m losing my hope for mankind tonight and might be scarred for life. But the point of this story is everyone “Calm your tits South Carolinians, its a tropical storm you don’t have to fight and show your ass to everyone because it’s a storm coming.” God, I pray for South Carolina we give the people of Walmart a new name. Sorry about my rambles lovelies I just had to get it out of my system! I hope everyone is safe during the storm! I love you all in the mouth and pray for your safety! Hold down your forts ya’ll. I’m happy to report I’m in the safety in my home and reading First Grave on the Right by Darynda Jones. Thank you Kim for the recommendation you rock!
** These pictures are from online. I left my phone at the house unfortunatley but these pictures are an example of what I saw. Unfortunately i saw worse tonight. Smh