Hello lovelies! Today I am going to talk about something a bit different than books and that’s agorophobia. I know that’s a crazy name and many may not know what that its. Also some people may think that it’s something that can be easily overcame or that the person can simply get over it.
Well first I am going to give you folks the definition of an agorophobia from the Mayo Clinic:
Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed. You fear an actual or anticipated situation, such as using public transportation, being in open or enclosed spaces, standing in line, or being in a crowd.
The anxiety is caused by fear that there’s no easy way to escape or get help if the anxiety intensifies. Most people who have agoraphobia develop it after having one or more panic attacks, causing them to worry about having another attack and avoid the places where it may happen again.
People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fear can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.
Agoraphobia treatment can be challenging because it usually means confronting your fears. But with psychotherapy and medications, you can escape the trap of agoraphobia and live a more enjoyable life.
Now, the reason I am talking about this is because I have an agorophobia and it makes me panic just thinking about it or writing it out. As many of you know, I am a free spirited and out spoken person. I was that way in real life as well. I would always be on the go and never turn down an adventure. I have experienced some of the craziest things and at the end was alive to say I lived through it. I have went on random nationwide road trips. Pretty much, I just lived life to the fullest.
Starting 4 years ago things went out of control in my life but I was use to chaos. Hell, I lived through so much child abuse and torturous events what could stop me now.
Well things stopped… That was for sure. I became caretaker of a loved one who couldn’t remember 5 minutes ago. I was having a lot of emotional strain family wise. I was scared of all the criticism of my mental illness and the effects of it. I had friends use me and talk behind my backs when I fed them and clothed them when they were without. Most of all, I got real sick. Like life or death sick.
I drugged myself so much to numb the pain and anxiety of it all. When I decided to get clean and come off opioids, I was stuck. Literally, stuck.. At first I just couldn’t go some places and then it turned to more frequently. When I step on my front porch, I feel like I am literally suffocating. I have even passed out from hyperventilating from just stepping on my front porch.
People start thinking your a bad friend, a bad partner and your family says you don’t come by enough. When none of them understand the torture I feel just opening the door. Of course there is a lot more that happened to make me this way but this was the PG rated version.
The reason I am writing this article is to not bring attention to myself but to let others know you are not alone in this. Also if you have a loved one who battles this disorder, it feels like life or death to us. I know its hard to understand when it may be so easy for you to go outside but it is that bad. Oh how I wish to be the girl I once was and not be trapped by fear. With my health if not on bed rest, I should live life to the fullest but leaving my house only to go to the doctor once a month with have a trusted person is no way of life. Not for me or my kids…
Thank you everyone for hearing me out!