Update On Dani’s Crazy Life And What’s Been Going On, Grief…


Random Rambles

*Possible Trigger Warning

So I have been promising a few on a update with me and my crazy life. This is going to be a bit of a hard of a thing to talk about but it’s not all bad. If any creepers are on my page just to get facts about me, heads up, being possessive and taking away every bit of my freedom and privacy is not cool. Sorry about that rant, my friends but the person whom I am referring to and others know that I am talking about them and it’s no one I met online.

Let’s start with some good news though my family has finally a stable source of income at least for the next year or so. This is a huge blessing and I couldn’t be more thankful for something coming in.❤❤❤

So to kind of put it out there for the bad news it started 6 months ago. I was not doing well mentally, physically or financially and to top that off someone burgalarized my house taking all my money for my bills and posessions that couldn’t be replaced. Then I found out my kids were sexually harassed and it was like my brain was tugging at straws to stay alive. As well as my health took a sharp turn for the worse. On top of that have someone whom you have taken care of for years tell your children you’re a terrible mom and they aren’t cared for. I mean if someone has all these problems with you and is a P.O.S. and can’t say it to your face instead they rather talk to themselves and around your children and your family about all their issues with you and poor them. Fuck that shit and I’m going to get off that because that’s not my main thing I am battling right now and don’t have time to let hypocritical Christians eat up my soul and waste anymore of my time. My love for that person is fading because if someone doesn’t want you to be happy and only cares about their feelings than that’s on them. Fuck it. *brushes shoulder off* This is really the big issue but I guess it feels good to get some of the pent up hurt out.*I started this post a week ago and have forgiven this person and know they are neurologically sick but am not forgetting but they are going to get help. This person isn’t my main issue at all but it feels like a lot to edit to remove it because what’s in the next paragraph is what stopped me from posting this post.

Now to the main thing that’s current and I have been facing is I found out I was far along 5-6 months pregnant and didn’t even have an idea how. I mean my intuition was telling me but doctors told me I couldn’t and it’s been so long since I had relations at least with any man. *Sorry for my bluntness today* But I was already feeling kicking on even the outside so when my appointment came last week I was already nervous because of the dangerous medications I was on but to wrap this up so it doesn’t trigger anyone or anything. I had a heartbreaking loss.😢 There was no heartbeat on the screen and I fell apart. I fell apart but everyone else was falling apart around me and I had to try and keep my head above water. So I guess all the sickness and how much my blogging experience declined was due to an unhealthy pregnancy full of stress. So I said goodbye to a little one that I only have seen once and never got the chance to know and it was so later on that I miss all those jabs and I miss all the fear yet excitement of something so unplanned but my intuition warned me the night before with a dream/vision so I kind of prepared myself that day before going and feeling no jabs and rolls but I don’t know if it’s possible to prepare for this grief. I have experienced a few miscarriages but this just seemed to knock the wind out of me but like they say when you TRULY are rock bottom, there is only one way to go but up.

Please accept me back as an active bloggy member as soon as I can get my head above water. I feel so bad for all my absences. Please pray or send me thoughts or vibes that I continue to push forward, that my kids stop being bullied and stay happy and healthy and that my family’s overall health improves. Four sick adults is no fun and also those prayers we can have a chance to catch up financially with all the sudden changes and expenses in life.😕 I’m sorry for this negative posts and I swear I have been doing everything in my power to change my outlook and let go of these crazy hormones. I love you all and I can’t thank you enough for all the times you have been there for me. I have hope and I will be pushing through because I loved being part of this community and miss everyone with all my heart but please know I have hope.

This song and everything behind it plays through my head all the time now and it’s so relevant in so many ways to how I feel.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=EKF6ghfcQic

Lyrics: 

I’ve gotta keep the calm before the storm
I don’t want less, I don’t want more
Must bar the windows and the doors
To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Yeah, my life is what I’m fighting for
Can’t part the sea, can’t reach the shore
And my voice becomes the driving force
I won’t let this pull me overboard

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown

So pull me up from down below
‘Cause I’m underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
I need you now, I need you most

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
Don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown
Don’t let me drown, drown, drown
Keep my head above water, above water

And I can’t see in the stormy weather
I can’t seem to keep it all together
And I, I can’t swim the ocean like this forever
And I can’t breathe

God, keep my head above water
I lose my breath at the bottom
Come rescue me, I’ll be waiting
I’m too young to fall asleep

God, keep my head above water
Don’t let me drown, it gets harder
I’ll meet you there at the altar
As I fall down to my knees

Don’t let me drown
Don’t let me drown (don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Don’t let me drown (don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me drown)
Keep my head above water, above water

61 Comments on “Update On Dani’s Crazy Life And What’s Been Going On, Grief…

  1. I’m sorry to hear about all of your stress and loss. I may not have been through it, but I’m a very empathetic person and I’m always here for you if you need to even just vent and cry.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your news was terrible of course, and I really do feel for you. Never worry about being ‘accepted back’ by us bloggers. For us, you had never gone anywhere in the first place. Sending healing thoughts, virtual hugs, and a soft kiss on your forehead.
    Take care, honey. .
    As ever, Pete. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 😭😭 I’m so sorry to hear that my friend, I’m hugging you in my mind, I’ll keep praying for you, sending you good vibes 💕💕 Im pretty sure your little angel is also rooting for you 😚 dont let negative people into your heart sweetie, you are warrior, a phoenix, let them bark and spread your wings 💜💜💜

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I read this post at work, and waited until I came home to properly respond to this post. And even though I had almost an entire day to think of what to write here, whatever it will be is never going to be enough. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It broke my heart when I read it, and I can not even imagine what you must be feeling yourself right now. You are a strong woman, and you have always been strong, but there are things that you don’t need to fight. This is one of them. Just let go and let your grief out. Anyone who would go through this would be feeling that way. You also don’t need to worry about us accepting you back. You will always be here…no matter how long it takes for you to get better and feel up to blogging again. It doesn’t matter. There is only one thing that is the most important thing now: and that is you. Don’t worry about visiting our blogs, or being here for us: it’s the other way around now: WE are here for you😘
    Whenever you want to talk: know that I’m always here for you. Don’t ever worry about bothering me in any way. We have been friends for a long time: and friendships for me also mean being there when things are rough: as they are now for you.
    I’m sending everyhing positive towards you, and hope that good times for you and your loved ones will be there again soon. No matter what you need: always feel free to contact me. Please take care Dani😘❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m sorry to hear you are going through such a stressful, hard time. Please take good care of yourself, and sorry for your loss. I’m sending good vibes your way!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Sending some massive virtual hugs your way Dani. I’m so sorry for your loss 💙💙💙

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I am so very sorry Dani. I’ve suffered multiple miscarriages, but always super early. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling right now. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. (((hugs)))

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh Sweetie. My heart is breaking.😰 I don’t have enough words to express how sorry I am. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave over you and your family and make sure none of you ever had another moment of pain and heartbreak. I know what a strong woman you are Dani and I also know you’ll persevere.💙

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I knew you’d love that song. The moment I heard it I sent it to you. After reading the back story to it I def have more respect and different outlook when it comes to Avril levigne…. 1-800 by logic is also a good one. I pray it all gets better for you beautiful.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Thanks for the update. I can relate to so much here, Dani. Hang in there, my dear friend! I’m so glad that you have a steady income. That you’re blowing of the shitty people, and focusing on your babies. You’re an amazing woman!! Keep your chin up! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      • Oh no! I’m so sorry love! KDP is completely free, as is smashwords 😊. And you’ll be amazed at how many wonderfully helpful beta readers you’ll find here on WP thatll do a round of edits along with the beta advice 😊🤩😍

        Liked by 1 person

            • I have the Tower all the time the last few weeks! It’s nutts and so true! If you ever want a reading from me free of charge of course if interested, I would love to use my divination skills! Lol.I have like 50 decks from over the years. I have a client/friend who buys me decks from Amazon as a kind of payment of sorts. Lol.I also know how to scry,dream interpret, Palmistry,Astrology, cast runes and all kinds of stuff.I even know how to use dominos for divination. I have taken classes back in the day and had a mentor for years.But not trying to replace your Reader of course or anything but I do free readings as a way to give back in a group and also to friends at times so if you are ever interested hit me up,my friend I hope you are well🌹🌸💐 This has been a Tower of a week,one thing after another but there’s always that silver lining somewhere.Love and light🌸💐🌹 xoxoxoxo

              Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m so sorry you had to go through that Dani😓 You should not apologize and take all the time you need to heal❤ I’m happy to hear you have a source of income, that’s really good. You have the strenght to get out of this!, I hope you and your family are doing okay❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much sweetheart!🌹 I am trying to take my time but ease myself back into blogging. I’m sorry I just saw your comment but was just thinking about you.Lol.I am not doing well financially now right after I posted this, the person I full time caretake got his disability benefits cut off without notice.Taking a huge cut out of our money and resources.Then the head gasket blew in my car which is an 800 fix and then I had my life fall apart with also my food stamp benefits not cutting on all month.I am trying to keep positive but it’s hard.😞 I hope you are well dear.🌹💐🌸

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: